Above: Gucci , alligator hriefcase brief case, $379, with whip $429.. with New Pols $441.
ZOMBIE NIGHTS II
or
On Hyperbole
With new insights on Trump,, populism, and a brand new form of sadomasochism thrown in for good measure!
--
Zombie arrived right on time, dressed Business Casual, carrying a Gucci alligator hide brief case with gold plated latches ($379, unless it was a knock-off). Very impressive, very professional.
“Did you stay off satire for the whole week?” was the first question.
“It was hard, but I did it,” I replied, only slightly misrepresenting things.
“Good. And what about your interviews with Tr*mp supporters? How did they go?”
“Pretty miserably for the most part- mostly warmed over talk radio and Fox News stuff. “
“Mostly? Not entirely?” Zombie zeroed in.
“No, not entirely. Let me tell you about a friend. I didn’t even suspect she was a Trump supporter until we got chatting about leadership styles and she said she though Trump was right – that Putin was a better leader than Obama.”
“What did you say?”
“That if that had been Obama’s style of leadership,, Donald Trump wouldn’t be around anymore; he would have had a mysterious accident, drunk a nuclear cocktail or just disappeared.”
“How did she react?”
“She surprised me by saying ‘Oh. I know, I know, he exaggerates, but I think I know what he means.’”
“So what did he mean in her view?”
“I blew it. I didn’t ask. I failed to follow up with that question.”
“Why not?”
“I guess I was interested in something else- the tone she used. She spoke as if she were empowered by Trump’s exaggerations; it put her in the driver’s seat. She was his spokesperson, interpreter, exegete, all rolled into one. At that point I realized that hyperbole was not a ‘figure of speech; it is a way in which the speakers empowers their listener and thereby win their supports. ”
“So,” Zombie interrupted,” it’s part of the secret of Tr*mp’s success?”
“Exactly. All the smart people thought he was making terrible mistakes when he said outrageous things. They were dead wrong. Each one empowered and activated his supporters – the more outrageous the better. Exaggeration empowers the listener. They love hyperbole”
“Excellent,” Zombie spoke in the tone of a high school English teacher encouraging a student who has for the first time said something smart.
“Thanks,” I said. “Now I want to go on and think about Tr*mpism, and maybe all populisms. My hunch is that populism is not an ideology or theory, or set of policies but a linguistic phenomena. If we want to understand it, we have to analyze it as, um,
...”
“Discourse?”
“Yes, that’s the word. Discourse. I love it. But I need more perspective on this discourse. I mean, like, a historical parallel.”
“Promising insight and a fresh insight!. You must follow up on it!” Zombie sounded genuinely enthusiastic about my ideas. I told myself Zombie likes your mind. But then Zombie added, “But first, let’s have sex.. I really like your body.”
“No way!” I was revolted by the idea of sex with a Zombie and I let it be known in no un certain terms.
“You promised.”
“I did not..”
“Did too.”
“Did not!”
“The whole point of this exercise,” Zombie explained in a pedagogical voice, “was to restore your libido after it had been destroyed by non-stop Tru*mp talk. Remember? Now you have gained some perspective on it, so you and I can ...”
“I am not having sex with a damn Zombie, fresh out of the grave. I majored in necromancy, not necrophilia.”
Uh-oh! Have you ever looked into the eyes of a zombie after you have said something really hurtful? My heart melted. I apologized:
”Look, Zombie, I’m sorry. That was really mean .of me to say that. I’m sorry I said it. I didn’t really mean it.”
Sob.
“You are rally a wonderful person, as zombies go, one of the best. I mean, well, if I was going to have sex with any zombie, it would be with you. Really.”
Big sob. Eyes over with tears.
“It isn’t you fault. It’s mine. It’s all the social pressure against living people having sex with dead people. A terrible prejudice. Bigoted, really, but my parents, all my friends have these attitudes - I know. it is silly of me. But I internalize all this pressure. So I just can’t. Nott your fault, not at all, it’s all mine...”
And so on
More sobs, Tears.
“I feel terrible for what I said. You are right to be mad. I deserve to be punished for saying what I did.”
At that Zombie’s face lit up. Business Casual dropped away; under it was black leather. From the $379 alligator hide Gucci brief case with gold plated latches came the $50 whip.
“Yes,” Zombie hissed.” You deserve punishment.”
CRACK.
I will spare you, gentle reader, the details of the exotic fusion of pleasure and pain that followed, but I cannot omit the culmination of her punishment Zombie inflicted on me..
“Now for the real punishment,” Zombie smirked while reaching in the $379 Gucci brief case – not a knock off – and drew out of it ... ..
“Oh no, not that. That is too cruel. I won’t be able to stand the pain. I cannot take it. Please, anything, but not that!”
“You must submit. Your punishment for everything you have said is to read this book, before I come back next Friday for an inquisition about ancient populism.”
“No, no, please, anything but that ...” Bu there was no mercy in Zombie, who handed mea copy of The New Politicians of Fifth Centry Athens.´
“Tolle, lege,” Zombie latinized;. “Read every word. I’ll be back to test you next Friday. .”
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